How to Stubbornly Refuse to Be Upset by Anyone Again

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Sep 01, 2008 Charlotte rated it information technology was amazing

Albert Ellis is the reason I became a psychologist. I call back watching one of his tapes and thinking "Really? I tin really talk to clients that style?" And it'south true, I can actually exist myself and help people at the same time. Therapy is not some mamby-pamby "Tell me about your female parent" sniffling on the couch for decades nonsense. It'south hard piece of work confronting the shit in your life, both the shit you practice to yourself and the shit others accept done to you lot. Ellis'due south no-nonsense arroyo tin can be pushy and over- Albert Ellis is the reason I became a psychologist. I remember watching one of his tapes and thinking "Really? I can really talk to clients that fashion?" And it's true, I can really be myself and assistance people at the same fourth dimension. Therapy is non some mamby-pamby "Tell me about your mother" sniffling on the couch for decades nonsense. It's hard piece of work against the shit in your life, both the shit you do to yourself and the shit others have done to you. Ellis's no-nonsense approach tin can be pushy and over-bearing, but, when done with a light bear on, it tin be completely empowering. ...more

Repetitive. Basically, the crux is: argue yourself out of your negative thinking cycles and attack those negative beliefs with rational logic, create a plan to get you through things you struggle with, and practise a bunch of things you don't desire to do because it breaks you of your fright and distaste and proves to you that if y'all fail you will even so be fine.

There.

That's the whole book.

Repetitive. Basically, the crux is: debate yourself out of your negative thinking cycles and set on those negative behavior with rational logic, create a plan to become you through things y'all struggle with, and exercise a bunch of things you don't want to practice considering it breaks you of your fear and distaste and proves to you lot that if you neglect you volition still exist fine.

There.

That's the whole volume.

...more

Feb 20, 2008 Ryan rated it it was ok

This review has been hidden considering information technology contains spoilers. To view it, click here. My notes and quotes:

Ellis describes how to deal with emotional misery through Rational Emotive Therapy. The basic tenent of RET is that while nosotros tin can't always control the bad things that happen to us, we tin control how we react to those bad things. Misery comes from saying that y'all "must" do something or things "must" be a certain way. Whenever nosotros are rigid about what we want and need then nosotros prepare ourselves upwards to exist miserable when we do not get what we want. We therefore should learn to identify

My notes and quotes:

Ellis describes how to deal with emotional misery through Rational Emotive Therapy. The bones tenent of RET is that while nosotros can't e'er control the bad things that happen to us, we tin can control how we react to those bad things. Misery comes from saying that you "must" practise something or things "must" exist a certain mode. Whenever we are rigid about what nosotros want and need so we fix ourselves up to be miserable when we exercise not get what we want. We therefore should learn to identify our irrational beliefs and seek to supersede them with rational ones.

RET is based on the scientific method of questioning crusade and consequence and does not require deep probing into ane'due south past (although doing and so can sometimes help you detect your irrational beliefs). We naturally feel both appropriate and inapropriate feelings when we our goals are blocked: appropriate = disappointment, regret, frustration; inappropriate = anger, panic, low, rage. The "ABCs" of RET business organisation what happens when one of your goals is blocked: A=Activating consequence blocks your goal, C=consequences of your goal beingness blocked, and B=Beliefs of how you experience about your goal beingness blocked. Ellis points out that A does not crusade you to feel bad about C, instead, your behavior are what crusade you to be miserable, non the actual consequences.

Ellis gives many insights designed to help you dispute your irrational beliefs, most of which entail you figuring out what the "shoulds" and musts are in your life that cause you to exist unhappy. Information technology'due south important to acquire that you can take desires and preferences, but as soon every bit you feel that yous must take something or you'll just dice, and so neuroses brainstorm to have over because you tin't stand the idea of not having the affair y'all want. In other words, when y'all must have something, y'all become miserable considering you can't imagine life without the thing you lot want and you sabotage yourself so you won't exist able to get information technology. Disputing irrational beliefs can exist described in six steps: What irrational belief do I want to dispute and surrender? Can I rationally prove this belief? What prove tin can I detect to disprove this belief? Does whatsoever testify be for the truth of this belief? What are the worst things that could really happen to me if I requite up this belief and deed against it? What expert things could happen or could I make happen if I requite up this belief? He also goes into using behavioral reinforcement in order to help change your irrational behavior. There is also much danger in backsliding once you lot modify an irrational conventionalities (because y'all've held your IB your whole life).

One of the nigh of import things about RET is that it needs to exist done strongly and forcefully. If yous want major results yous take to dispute your IBs with all of your energy; half-hearted efforts will only get half-hearted results.

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This is a skillful book. A lot of what is in it may seem like common sense, but you accept to remember that people who alive with mental misery aren't always able to admission common sense. I did become a little upset with Ellis at one point, but I recollect that says more than about me that about the author. The last two chapters were especially helpful for me: they have a summary and tools for maintaining the gains you make. This is a adept volume. A lot of what is in it may seem like common sense, but you have to remember that people who live with mental misery aren't ever able to admission mutual sense. I did become a niggling upset with Ellis at one point, but I think that says more than about me that about the author. The concluding two capacity were especially helpful for me: they have a summary and tools for maintaining the gains you brand. ...more

April 13, 2013 Jay Cresva rated it it was amazing

An urgent call to terminate Musturbating as well much. Driblet the shoulds, musts, in our irrational thoughts/ beliefs, and we'll conquer the everyday miseries. It was amazing seeing how those small words can brand the states feel so miserable.
A must for anyone suffering from shyness, panic, depression, anxiety, sadness and other not-organic/biological mental ailments.
An urgent call to stop Musturbating besides much. Driblet the shoulds, musts, in our irrational thoughts/ beliefs, and we'll conquer the everyday miseries. Information technology was amazing seeing how those small words can brand united states of america feel so miserable.
A must for anyone suffering from shyness, panic, depression, anxiety, sadness and other non-organic/biological mental ailments.
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May 03, 2013 Angela rated it information technology was ok

Due to the language / give-and-take choices of the author, it'due south very hard to read. Not hard as in difficult, but difficult to accept his methodology. Due to the language / word choices of the author, it's very hard to read. Non difficult equally in hard, only hard to have his methodology. ...more

This is i of Albert Ellis's best self-aid volume on rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). In "How to Stubbornly Decline to Make Yourself Miserable Near Anything--Yes, Annihilation," Ellis makes the simple, yet profound point that "you can figure out by sheer logic that if yous were merely . . . to stay with your desires and preferences, and if you lot were never...to devious into unrealistic demands that your desires accept to exist fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb...yourself about anything" (p. 21). This is 1 of Albert Ellis's best self-help book on rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). In "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything--Yeah, Annihilation," Ellis makes the simple, yet profound point that "you tin figure out by sheer logic that if you were merely . . . to stay with your desires and preferences, and if y'all were never...to devious into unrealistic demands that your desires take to be fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb...yourself nearly anything" (p. 21). At the end of the book, Ellis identifies various unfortunate potential life circumstances and so shows readers how to apply his REBT refuse to feel disturbed. I strongly recommend this book for the full general public. Mental health professionals volition likewise find this volume to exist a helpful resource to learn the theory and practice of REBT. ...more

Dec 21, 2009 Corey Butler rated it actually liked it

Despite his oddball writing style, Albert Ellis had many amazing insights into psychotherapy and was i of the pioneers of cognitive therapy. This is one of his better books. It'south meliorate written and more up-to-date than his archetype work, "A New Guide to Rational Living." More than importantly, information technology contains plenty of hands-on exercises for self-improvement. Two core insights in the book are that misery comes from how we think well-nigh events non the events themselves, and that relief comes not from under Despite his oddball writing manner, Albert Ellis had many amazing insights into psychotherapy and was ane of the pioneers of cognitive therapy. This is one of his ameliorate books. It'due south better written and more up-to-date than his archetype work, "A New Guide to Rational Living." More importantly, it contains enough of hands-on exercises for cocky-improvement. 2 core insights in the book are that misery comes from how nosotros think about events not the events themselves, and that relief comes not from understanding but from active do in retraining your thinking. ...more

Using REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), Albert Ellis wages war against musturbation as the root cause of many psychological disorders. He humorously coined the give-and-take "musturbation" to point out that our musts have pernicious effects on our emotional wellness. There are, according to Ellis, three fundamental musts that people normally cling to, and therefore render themselves disturbed. The kickoff must has to practise with the private and his/her irrational expectations of himself/herself. When due south Using REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), Albert Ellis wages war against musturbation as the root cause of many psychological disorders. He humorously coined the discussion "musturbation" to signal out that our musts take pernicious effects on our emotional health. There are, co-ordinate to Ellis, 3 fundamental musts that people ordinarily cling to, and therefore render themselves disturbed. The get-go must has to do with the individual and his/her irrational expectations of himself/herself. When someone tells himself/herself, "I must be perfect and human activity perfectly or else I am worthless," this dogmatic statement for which in that location's no compelling bear witness, makes the person disturbed. The 2nd must is nearly other people. The person who musturbates tells himself/herself that other people must treat him/her perfectly well and if they fail to do so, they are damnable and deserve to go to hell. Finally, the tertiary must requires that the globe must be exactly the way the individual wants it to be, or else information technology's a terrible place.

Ellis argues that this musturbatory mindset can be replaced, at to the lowest degree in part, by a more flexible scientific philosophy via educating individuals nigh the basic tenets of science. Scientific discipline is non dogmatic and is always looking for facts to support its assumptions and theories. If by looking at facts we give the lie to an assumption, we forgo it and expect for another one which better befits reality. In that location's no absolute truth in science, thereby dogmatism can be kept at bay. Now, individuals can come to terms with their beliefs, which are largely responsible for their emotions, in a scientific way. This enables people to wait at their beliefs and consider them as mere assumptions and not facts.

Albert Ellis likewise strongly emphasizes the interdependence of thinking, feeling and acting. Each affects the other in a reciprocal way. If disputing your irrational behavior is accompanied by interim and encountering what yous irrationally avert, you can better forsake your unhealthy beliefs and replace them with more realistic ones.

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Apr 21, 2015 Bea rated it did not like information technology  · review of some other edition

Recommends it for: People who are just getting familiar with self-assist books.

I'm glad to encounter not existence the but one to detect this volume difficult to digest. It's been written in a poor style; is ofttimes offensive, incompetent, unnecessarily philosophical, with algorithm-similar attempts to describe problems. This is definitely not for the people with a broad cognition in the subject.
Although I tin give credit for the main message of the book, packed in a length of an article would have been more satisfactory.

Very VERY good. A must read for everyone. Especially those feeling ridden past negative emotions. It is a hard advice book but very empowering. No wonder Ellis is put above Freud in terms of influence.

A recommendation from a psychologist, this book is a guide to rational emotive behavior therapy. The virtually helpful part of this book is an extensive process past which to capture one's thoughts and then assess how rational they are, so break oneself of the habit of beingness emotionally neurotic to become more rational and practical. The procedure, even if redundant in my opinion, is quite helpful to recollect through. Even so, the worldview represented in the volume is problematic in two primary means. T A recommendation from a psychologist, this book is a guide to rational emotive beliefs therapy. The virtually helpful part of this book is an all-encompassing process by which to capture one'southward thoughts and then assess how rational they are, and then break oneself of the habit of being emotionally neurotic to become more rational and applied. The procedure, even if redundant in my stance, is quite helpful to remember through. However, the worldview represented in the book is problematic in ii chief means. The chief problem is that information technology is morally relativistic, and there is no acknowledgment of or belief in the idea of sin. Considering oneself sinful in general, or to take sinned in some specific area, is deemed irrational. Another result is that I do non believe REBT passes the cultural test. That is to say, it seems specific but to economically middle class and in a higher place, and cultural western people. While these limitations proceed me from recommending this book, I do believe it'south possible to swallow the meat and spit out the bones, and in that location is some meat here. I listened to this one, 7.v hours. Otherwise information technology'southward 240 pages of godless yet sometimes helpful attacks against neurosis. ...more than

Apr 14, 2018 Jyotika Varmani rated it it was astonishing

Recommends it for: Everyone

Being familiar with REBT principles, this volume was an easy read for me. Withal, I think this book is written with due consideration for those encountering Ellis' principles for the showtime time, since it is written in simple language with elaborate illustrations.

Ellis, as e'er, has taken a very assertive approach in presenting his ideas. This is the best part of all his books, that he actually works from the methods he prescribes. He has written this book in the style of an breezy discus

Being familiar with REBT principles, this book was an easy read for me. Yet, I recall this book is written with due consideration for those encountering Ellis' principles for the first time, since it is written in uncomplicated language with elaborate illustrations.

Ellis, as always, has taken a very assertive approach in presenting his ideas. This is the best part of all his books, that he really works from the methods he prescribes. He has written this volume in the fashion of an informal discussion that a teacher would accept with a group of students, which makes information technology very appealing. This volume chiefly explains why, and more than importantly how, a person tin can avert placing dogmatic atmospheric condition on the cocky, others and the environment. Some other very appealing attribute is that Ellis shares a lot of practical techniques for using his principles, which gives the reader concrete tools for self comeback.

All in all, I definitely recommend this book to anyone seeking to make a complete shift in the perspective that they are before long taking to their life, which I remember nigh of the states demand to do today.

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Best self assistance volume on the market

A very practical guide to making yourself less miserable. I've read many cocky assist books over the years but none equally straightforward and immediately applicative. It's also quite humorous and not without irony.

Ellis stands strongly confronting musts, shoulds, and ought tos and all the same almost every paragraph has italicized words and exclamation points. "You must non accept musts!" But I dubiousness that is lost on him. He'due south teaching us to vigorously dispute irrational behavior (or

All-time self assist volume on the market

A very practical guide to making yourself less miserable. I've read many self assist books over the years but none as straightforward and immediately applicative. It'south also quite humorous and not without irony.

Ellis stands strongly confronting musts, shoulds, and ought tos and nonetheless almost every paragraph has italicized words and exclamation points. "You must not have musts!" But I doubtfulness that is lost on him. He's teaching us to vigorously dispute irrational beliefs (or iBs or simply Bullshit) then that we can replace them with more effective behavior and behaviors.

The book has over a dozen exercises and tools that you tin can apply immediately in your life. It won't solve all of your problems but it'll certainly assist you take greater responsibility for your life and that alone will go you further down the road than most other approaches.

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Can you strive to recall and live like Spock in Kirk's world? The premise of the volume is to overcome your negativity by e'er trying to retrieve and human activity rationally. While condign more than rational is probably not a bad matter, the author gives no guidance and on how to get along in a globe becoming more irrational. Can you strive to think and live similar Spock in Kirk'southward world? The premise of the book is to overcome your negativity by always trying to retrieve and deed rationally. While becoming more rational is probably not a bad affair, the author gives no guidance and on how to become along in a world condign more irrational. ...more than

January 05, 2014 Matthew rated information technology it was amazing

Likewise nifty REBT primer, I assign chapters for clients to read as homework.

Nov 12, 2021 Chris Boutté rated information technology it was astonishing

This is by far one of the best books ever written if you're looking to improve your mental health. I've had some ups and downs with my low and anxiety recently, and I remembered how much I loved this volume, so I read information technology for my second time. Albert Ellis is the creator of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), and this book provides everything y'all demand to know about recognizing your irrational beliefs, stopping your catastrophizing, and living a much better life. When we crude patches w This is by far 1 of the best books ever written if you're looking to improve your mental health. I've had some ups and downs with my depression and anxiety recently, and I remembered how much I loved this book, then I read information technology for my second time. Albert Ellis is the creator of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), and this book provides everything you need to know nigh recognizing your irrational behavior, stopping your catastrophizing, and living a much better life. When we rough patches with our mental wellness, our mind tells us all sorts of crazy things, and this method helps usa pace dorsum and face our thoughts, feelings, and situations in a much more than rational way. Afterwards reading this book again, I feel astonishing and once once more have the tools I need to deal with whatsoever comes my mode.
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Information technology was helpful but the uncouncious is more complex than that

Dec 16, 2009 Michelle rated information technology really liked it

Okay then information technology seems similar a stupid self-help volume, and believe me the writing style cannot seem any less condescending if it tried. Simply if you lot can await past all the italicized words and being talked to like you're mentally challenged, you will see that the theory of RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) is really vivid and incredibly useful. Okay so it seems similar a stupid self-help volume, and believe me the writing manner cannot seem any less condescending if it tried. Just if you lot can look past all the italicized words and beingness talked to like you lot're mentally challenged, you will see that the theory of RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) is actually brilliant and incredibly useful. ...more

Though it has a powerful idea, it seems difficult to implement information technology only past reading about it. Self-aid of this kind needs trained guidance regardless of everything else. Being highly repetitive and slightly sermonizing, the book tin become annoying, especially in the mildly boastful manner that it is written. However, there are plenty of explanations through examples which are helpful.

Squeamish addition to A New Guide to Rational Living. This book provides many more examples of how a person working on their own (without a therapist) tin can apply Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) to change.

Hate it, then far. The author is ponpuos and arrogant. A mentor recommended it.

Mar 31, 2014 Elaine rated it information technology was ok

Proficient bulletin, only information technology did not need to be a whole book. Pretty early on, I felt a bit beaten over the head with one or ii ideas.

Feb 22, 2022 YL rated information technology liked it

I'chiliad torn on whether to actually like this book or really hate it.

What I like: The departure in this method of therapy vs others such psychoanalysis is that instead of focusing on babyhood and laying arraign on your upbringing that acquired you to exist the manner you are, REBT teaches you that you accept the total capability to change the mode you recall in lodge to change the way you lot experience. The book goes into details on how to expect at your thought and feelings in a structured style. This structure is called the

I'm torn on whether to really similar this volume or really detest it.

What I like: The difference in this method of therapy vs others such psychoanalysis is that instead of focusing on childhood and laying arraign on your upbringing that caused y'all to be the way you are, REBT teaches you that you have the full capability to change the way you lot call back in order to change the manner you feel. The book goes into details on how to await at your thought and feelings in a structured mode. This structure is called the ABC of REBT. (It claims this is a scientific method, but I would debate that this is merely analytical if not more often than not philosophical thinking, but I digress).

It starts with a goal (Chiliad), or a desired outcome, like passing a examination

A = activating upshot, some people identify this as a "trigger" to an emotion (usually negative), or a cake preventing you from your goal (One thousand), similar getting bad grades on a test

C = effect of (A) blocking (G), like feeling depressed because you didn't pass a exam

B = beliefs-feelings-behavior, these are either irrational or rational and sometimes, it is the irrational belief (iB) that misleads you lot to experience miserable at (C). This is an of import slice in this structure because more often than not, we're non enlightened of our belief, and that tin make us experience helpless to the outcome (C) or (A) blocking (G). For example when we fail at something, we feel depressed (C) considering we "unawaringly" and irrationally believe that we are bad "what's incorrect with me?"

D = The fundamental focus in this method is becoming aware of our (B), and disputing it (D). This is called DiB, or Disputing irrational Beliefs, like why does failing a test brand me a bad person? Or that there'south something's incorrect with me? Did anyone die from me not passing this examination?

E = Effective new philosophy- a new way of thinking. The final part is replacing the irrational conventionalities (iB) with a new belief, like I don't need to laissez passer this particular test, I prefer to laissez passer it the beginning time, but I can take information technology again adjacent fourth dimension, or make up with other credits. I don't Have TO or MUST do well, and so long as I'k learning. And so while it's inconvenient for me to not do well this time, I know I can do better next time.

The BAD: in the attempt to give many anecdotes to illustrate this ABC construction and brand it more relatable - and most of them exercise work, the book gave an instance of Georgiana and her supposedly irrationally getting upset because her husband lusts after big busted women, in her presence, including while having sexual practice with her.
This anecdote went on to how Georgina, with the help of the author and the therapy grouping, forced herself to believe in the post-obit rational belief: "I can be loved past David (her married man) and have a adept spousal relationship even if he does lust subsequently women with large busts!"

Why is this a problem? Well, this anecdote here made me realize that the structure probably miss an important piece: what about the personal values, I'll acronym this (Five). With the above anecdote well-nigh Georgiana, it is unclear what her goal (G) is, and what does she value. This anecdote seems to indicate that what's rational for her is to have a happy wedlock according to her husband (be okay with his lust of other women), over valuing herself and condone her ain feelings to make things happy for her husband.

Seems like bullshit to me.

Another point of business organisation is how this method of vigorously disputing against thinking of yourself as bad is kind of reminding me of how Anna Soronkin, a con-artist who bamboozled 275,000 USD from others, 1 of them now in deep fiscal debt, yet don't think of herself equally a bad person in an interview on the hour show. So is she not a bad person and so because no one is bad, they're just human being who does bad human action, even if it's immoral or unethical? Or is there a huge supposition that this ABC just applies to expert ethical or moral folks who sometimes practise something bad?

With that said though, I nonetheless recommend reading this book, but read it with your own analytical listen and take it with a grain of salt. I always recommend finding and using different methods to get more self-aware, so ABC of REBT and using DiB is recommended. I might reread this volume again and perhaps the above questions will exist answered by rereading, earlier the internet jumps on the comment box and set me straight…

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This was a wild ride. The entire time I envisioned a chaotic quondam human yelling at me.

As some others have noted, his arroyo seems nigh insulting in its simplicity. I'd advise that the primary issue is not with the arroyo to resolving upset or "misery" (perhaps too stiff a word for what he's seeking to address with these techniques?), only with the fact that there is little here in the way of teaching around determining whether what could be considered akin to positive self-talk is suffic

This was a wild ride. The entire time I envisioned a chaotic old human yelling at me.

As some others take noted, his arroyo seems almost insulting in its simplicity. I'd propose that the primary issue is non with the approach to resolving upset or "misery" (mayhap too strong a give-and-take for what he's seeking to address with these techniques?), but with the fact that there is little here in the manner of teaching around determining whether what could be considered akin to positive self-talk is sufficient to accost any upshot you're facing. He often references cases of his in which individuals expressed profound anxiety or depression and, yes, even suicidal ideation, but makes no articulate distinction between the suitability of his approach for these individuals and those with "less astringent" concerns. I've petty dubiety the author could and would challenge the above critiques, just I can't say I'd ever recommend this book to someone struggling with low or any other mental disease. I'd fear it would send the wrong message: "you're to blame." Or "yous're irrational for feeling this way." Both of which are, to my cognition, common sources of shame and further upset (a fact which he admits in the volume, but fails to address the potentially catastrophic implications of) (perhaps a corollary of this criticism is the failure to advisedly and thoroughly address the reality of the biological component of many neuroses: he vaguely asserts that his methods work "most" of the fourth dimension, but fails to clearly outline the multifactorial nature of many psychiatric/psychological disturbances and, in so doing, fails to state conspicuously the necessary limitations of an approach that seems not to account (at all) for the biological component of the things that plague many individuals; indeed, he spends nigh no fourth dimension addressing the qualities that would authorize or disqualify someone from candidacy for this sort of approach).

I purchased the volume from the kindle library considering it was only $2 (on sale) and I find psychiatry and psychology quite fascinating. Merely I'd struggle to find any reason to suggest that this book is worth much more than that paltry sum.

Nevertheless, as someone who doesn't find himself debilitated by any form of serious mental disease, I can't deny the value of highlighting the importance of forcing objectivity into the subjective experiences of our daily lives. There's much to be gained (in Ellis's opinion, besides every bit mine) from leveraging the scientific method in this fashion. Whether or not that's sufficient to resolve or even improve serious emotional or psychological disturbances, I suppose I'1000 not technically qualified to say.

Maybe the primary issue with this book is its author'southward failure to clearly distinguish its intended audience, or maybe he genuinely believes these methods are suitable even for those struggling with profound (an arbitrary term itself) low, anxiety, etc., only either fashion, the volume is repetitive and I'd be lying if I said I didn't take to force myself to finish information technology.

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I read this to learn more than about the REBT (rational emotive behavioral therapy) method, and I appreciated that part of information technology. REBT is less about past wounds and more than nearly proactively irresolute your thinking patterns and behaviors in your present life. In this area it boosted my faith in the power of personal responsibility for our unhealthy behaviors, and I will continue to encourage that for others and myself - I'm far less into talking about how family unit, ex-lovers and absent mentor figures screwed I read this to learn more than virtually the REBT (rational emotive behavioral therapy) method, and I appreciated that role of it. REBT is less about by wounds and more than nearly proactively irresolute your thinking patterns and behaviors in your present life. In this expanse information technology boosted my faith in the power of personal responsibility for our unhealthy behaviors, and I will continue to encourage that for others and myself - I'thousand far less into talking nigh how family, ex-lovers and absent mentor figures screwed us upward. Information technology doesn't move us forward, and oft leaves united states of america nearly worse off in our undue bitterness. Nearly probable it was the irrational behavior we developed that messed us upward, not the environments or circumstances we encountered that inspired them, and information technology is 100% in our power to change that at any point!

This book gave me some new truths and tools to capture my thoughts and renew my thinking, similar the dangers of awfulizing, the importancec of disputing powerful irrational beliefs with powerful disputes, and mostly how to critically challenge the "musts" in our thinking that develop unrealistic expectations and create destructive emotions.

1 of my bug with this book lays the other bending of that topic - that is, Ellis believes there are no shoulds in life. (As well as no spiritual, supernatural, God elements at all, and it'south irrational and subversive to believe and then.) His insistence on moral relativism here jabbed at my nerves (likewise as the poor writing style and repetitive language). I call back that would get out u.s.a. to decay in cynicism and hedonism, and ultimately would be a dangerous path for a society. Without some objective shoulds, society would not evolve and we couldn't phone call each other to higher standards. Where would nosotros be without the people who stood upwards passionately for the good that SHOULD happen, in and around themselves? I cull the route of hope, goodness, and higher calling, every bit mythical as some may accuse information technology. That being said, there are a lot of "shoulds" for a daughter to question who grew upward in a sheltered, Christian, loving abode, and I am challenged to face those fully.

I also believe that truly connecting with God and the gospel introduces y'all to a lot of these concepts for psychological maladies - we just don't tend to dive deep, claiming our thinking, and make things personal with the gems we find in the Bible enough. And then, yous can find gems more than clearly laid out in the *premises* of this book, too. You just have to wade through obnoxious diction and wonky inferences along the way.

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Jun 23, 2021 Moses rated information technology liked information technology

This book provides a guide to REBT, Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy. Adult in 1955 by Albert Ellis. The general tone of the book is confrontational and demeaning. The author expresses that life is difficult and that is just the style it is, tough. That is echoed through-out.

With the frequent employ of the words musterbation (rigid beliefs that lead people to recall in absolute terms like "must" and "should") and awfulizing (believing an experience or state of affairs is literally the worst thing that could

This book provides a guide to REBT, Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy. Developed in 1955 past Albert Ellis. The general tone of the volume is confrontational and demeaning. The author expresses that life is difficult and that is merely the way it is, tough. That is echoed through-out.

With the frequent use of the words musterbation (rigid beliefs that atomic number 82 people to think in absolute terms like "must" and "should") and awfulizing (believing an experience or situation is literally the worst matter that could possibly happen) information technology took me some fourth dimension to adjust to the flow of the text.

REBT provides tools for investigating underlying beliefs. The author suggests that we concord onto irrational beliefs (IBs) and that they influence our expectations and emotions. By carefully and critically investigating our IBs, we can use the scientific method to claiming ourselves. This can change our rage and low to discomfort and disappointment. It is also stated that thinking in absolutist terms and holding expectations of how we/others should exist treated is ignorant and destructive.

Questioning beliefs nigh how we, or anyone, ought to act is disquisitional to REBT. 3 master underlying narratives to our Irrational Behavior are shared.

- I must practise well and have the approval by people I identify as important
-Others must treat me fairly and nicely
- Conditions I live in must be comfortable and free of major hassles

I was frustrated with the frequent use of "musterbation" as if trying to force the discussion into existence. There is too an insistence that this exercise is the best damn thing ever and if you can't practise it you just aren't believing enough, and should try harder. The level of pride in the practice is almost nauseating and dampens the message.

Overall. I plant this book to be positive, encouraging self-empowerment and disquisitional thinking. The cadre message and practices has helped many individuals and I expect will become part of my regular mental processes.

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April 23, 2018 Waseem rated information technology did not similar information technology

Firstly, this was way longer than it needed to be. Very repetitive material which could have been compressed to at to the lowest degree half the length of the book.

Secondly while the writer claims to respect religious and cultural views/beliefs - there is a articulate hint of atheism in his talk and clear ridicule which makes this book redundant in achieving its goal - because he simply expects ane to dismiss ones cadre beliefs to make his methods work - very idealistic vs a realistic methods to notice a solution...

A

Firstly, this was style longer than information technology needed to be. Very repetitive fabric which could have been compressed to at to the lowest degree half the length of the book.

Secondly while the author claims to respect religious and cultural views/beliefs - at that place is a clear hint of atheism in his talk and clear ridicule which makes this book redundant in achieving its goal - because he simply expects one to dismiss ones core beliefs to make his methods work - very idealistic vs a realistic methods to find a solution...

And lastly now his methods - which some of which make sense and I do agree with, however again it's assuming anybody will simply concord with what he says and disregard important beliefs of organized religion and spiritual which may be a obstruction to implementing his techniques perfectly - ie even if our religious / spiritual beliefs may non be great for us if we desire to be "miserable proof" - only it simply cannot piece of work similar that considering if it did - nosotros don't need this book as a solution only merely a personal decision to change our deep inner held beliefs and be ok with information technology

... even his communication was funny and contradictory - due east.g burning a $100 bill to punish oneself for going against some of his advice as a repellent? - mmmm seems to be heading towards of adding another layer of misery which we were ironically trying to get rid of in the first place

To Our Connected Success!
Waseem Mirza
http://www.WaseemMirza.net

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December ten, 2017 Omar Nur rated it really liked information technology

While it's a good read and the ideas helpful in getting rid of toxic beliefs, I found him total of himself. I can't count the number of times he mentioned his founding of REBT. How wonderful and great it's been in helping overcome their anxiety, depression and sorrow. Despite this, the book was helpful and beneficial.

Many of our issues are created by our irrational beliefs (IB). IB's are usually framed equally a must. In other works has been called the tyranny of the shoulds. Things 'MUST not' or t

While it's a good read and the ideas helpful in getting rid of toxic beliefs, I plant him total of himself. I can't count the number of times he mentioned his founding of REBT. How wonderful and great it'due south been in helping overcome their anxiety, depression and sorrow. Despite this, the volume was helpful and beneficial.

Many of our problems are created by our irrational beliefs (IB). IB's are usually framed as a must. In other works has been called the tyranny of the shoulds. Things 'MUST not' or things 'MUST be' a certain way. Others MUST treat me a sure a way. Conditions under which I alive MUST exist comfy. Changing your MUSTS to preferences will help change your IBs. When an activating upshot occurs (A) - people whether they realize it or not take behavior (B) near this. As a event (C) they are overcome past anger/rage, anxiety, and depression.

This book goes into different facets of life including relationships, work, procrastination, and goals. This function of the book brings the ABC'south to life. Consistently addressing and challenging your irrational and maybe toxic behavior (IB's) will help yous live a happy, and joyful life.

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Develop acceptance of yourself even if you deed in a wrong way
Develop credence to others even if they human action in the wrong way
Develop acceptance of the world even if the events don't become in the right way
Unhealthy beliefs: are dogmatic "should". Healthy behavior are preferred indifferences
You control most of your beliefs and can change them. For instance, think about the adept exam form as something desirable and if you don't' go the, information technology's not the end of the world, you can survive it
Dogmatic "should" Develop acceptance of yourself even if you lot act in a wrong way
Develop credence to others fifty-fifty if they act in the incorrect style
Develop credence of the world even if the events don't go in the right manner
Unhealthy beliefs: are dogmatic "should". Healthy beliefs are preferred indifferences
You control most of your behavior and can change them. For example, think nigh the adept examination form every bit something desirable and if you don't' get the, it'due south non the terminate of the world, you lot can survive information technology
Dogmatic "should" beliefs make people unhappy
Don't think about the past
Constantly dispute your beliefs to understand if they are rational / salubrious or not
Don't be angry of existence aroused: take that you are man and will inevitably experience unhealthy feelings and have unhealthy behavior
Do things that yous are afraid of often without attachment to the outcome
Accept hobby that can absorb your attending
Take penalization for unhealthy habits and beliefs (e.g., if you smoke, calorie-free the cigarette with a xx dollar bill)
Accept that you volition inevitable experience fallbacks ...more than

Albert Ellis was an American psychologist who in 1955 adult Rational Emotive Beliefs Therapy (REBT). He held One thousand.A. and Ph.D. degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and American Board of Professional person Psychology (ABPP). He likewise founded and was the President of the New York City-based Albert Ellis Plant for decades.
He is generally considered to be ane of the originators of th Albert Ellis was an American psychologist who in 1955 adult Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He held 1000.A. and Ph.D. degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP). He also founded and was the President of the New York Metropolis-based Albert Ellis Institute for decades.
He is generally considered to exist one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary prototype shift in psychotherapy and the founder of cognitive-behavioral therapies. Based on a 1982 professional survey of U.s.a. and Canadian psychologists, he was considered as the 2d nigh influential psychotherapist in history (Carl Rogers ranked first in the survey; Sigmund Freud was ranked 3rd). ...more

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"If you prefer to perform well and desire to be accepted past others, y'all are concerned that y'all will neglect and be rejected. Your good for you concern encourages y'all to act competently and nicely. But if you lot devoutly believe that y'all absolutely, under all conditions, must perform well and that you have to be accepted past others, yous will and so tend to make yourself—yes, brand yourself—panicked if you don't perform too as you supposedly must." — 10 likes

"The expense of making yourself panicked, enraged, and cocky-pitying is enormous. In fourth dimension and coin lost. In needless effort spent. In uncalled-for mental anguish. In sabotaging others' happiness. In foolishly frittering away potential joy during the one life—yep, the one life—yous'll probably ever have." — 9 likes

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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/833681.How_to_Stubbornly_Refuse_to_Make_Yourself_Miserable_About_Anything

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